Heavy Hearts.

With heavy hearts and many tears we had to say good-bye to Vlad and Dima yesterday. Soon after their arrival, both we and our hosting agency learned of a medical condition that Dima has and were unaware of prior to his arrival. Several days together taught us that we as a family were not capable of fully caring for Dima, and after much prayer and heartache we determined that the best thing that we could do for him was to allow him to stay with another family. We felt that it was important for them to be together through the transition, and important for Vlad to assist in communication with Dima (who cannot speak any English). This has been a hard time, to learn about our own limitations and priorities and to accept that sometimes the best thing we can do is to let go and let God use us in one way to bring the boys here and to trust that another family can best care for them for their remaining visit. This experience has not dimmed our hearts for orphans but rather increased our determination to advocate for adoption. So many medical conditions that children in orphanages suffer from can be better controlled and even healed in a home with love, support, and consistent nutrition. We learned that the boys’ orphanage had no fruit for several months; a reality that we cannot begin to comprehend! The millions of orphans in this world need families who are ready to reach out and care for them as they are able, and we want to continue to be one such family.

We have been profoundly changed by this experience and will share as we continue to process. We appreciate your support; both as we have prepared for them these past weeks and as now as we let them go. Thanks to the generosity of friends and family, we were able to provide them with warm clothes and toys of their own as well as all the fruit they could eat in the days they were with us (and that was A LOT of fruit!). We received many gifts and donations for the boys, and we were able to send all of those with them to their new host family. We place our trust now in God Almighty to do his will in the lives of these boys, using their new host family as his hands and voice. “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23.

Disappointment

How do you deal with disappointment? As a kid, it is often with pouting and anger. Not knowing how to deal with not getting what you want is hard. And as an adult, it is hard to understand what it means to feel that way about a toy. Yet that is what we have dealt with today. A little boy who found some really cool cars that he wanted, and did NOT like to be told that he couldn't get them right now. And does not know how to accept that disappointment without lashing out for an extended period of time.

Tonight Thor wanted to be held until he fell asleep. I think this is the first time EVER that he has wanted that. Even as a baby, he wouldn't fall asleep until he was in his bed. And as a toddler, he has told me to "go away so I can sleep". It was uncomfortable holding him while sitting on his bedroom floor, his boots digging into my legs. My precious, opinionated boy. Truly my only "baby".

It was a wonderful thing to hold Thor tonight. To think about disappointment. To think about a little boy who has dealt with disappointment on a level that I can never comprehend. To suffer the loss of his parents and to live in an orphanage. To travel halfway across the world with a backpack the size of what we send a preschooler to school with. How can I ever help HIM deal with disappointment?

That is what prayer is for. And we are so thankful to our God for hearing our prayers and healing our hurts. No matter how big or how little.

They are here!

Briefly, the boys have arrived safely and it is, well, a busy and full house. All good! We will get into the swing ... praying for a good nights sleep for EVERYONE! Vlad understands some of what we say and translates what he can to Dima.

Clothes: They each arrived with a small backpack of clothes. We are hoping to take advantage if a good discount at Kohls to pick up a few things this Wednesday or Friday. Vlad is too tall for size 12, but he is very slim. Dima is DROWNING in size boys small pajama pants! But the small shirt is a decent size. Thank you for the wonderful things we have received so far! I will keep the sidebar up to date with what they are still needing.

Off to clear the table and then find my "parenting Russian" audio files! I am finding that the Russian is in my head and isn't connecting with my mouth :)

The "A" Word ...

ADOPTION

Now, if you know us, you know that both our boys are adopted. Ivan from Russia in a process that took 3 years, and Thor as a "surprise" in a private domestic adoption. We are so very thankful for both of them and God has known all along WHO the best kids are for our family. Our role has been to be open to what God wants us to do. Whether it was saying "yes" to the 8-month old we met in Russia to saying "yes" to the 3 month old we met near home. Even in where we go and what we do, whether it be serving somewhere or in answering the phone when it rings, God very often has called me to be open to the possibility and that has been enough. Being open to serving at church, but then not being called to the position. Being open to a job, and then not getting it. Being open to move, and then staying put.

Being open to hosting two orphans from Latvia ...
Being open to adopting two orphans from Latvia ...

... and not knowing what God will ask us to do in the future.

To answer the question that has been asked:
We don't know if we will adopt the Vlad and Dima or not.

New Horizons is a HOSTING agency and NOT an ADOPTION agency.
The hope and prayer is that if these boys want to find their forever family here in the U.S., that they will.
Maybe it is us ...
and MAYBE IT IS YOU!
You are at least curious enough to read this, right?

So with that said (and I have said most every time that I have had this conversation),
we will not be discussing adoption for the next month. We will not use the word. And we would appreciate your not bringing up the word or the idea with us. Vlad and Dima are old enough to understand what adoption means, coming from an orphanage where other children who have been "hosted" have been adopted as well. But at 16 years old, they will age out of the orphanage and be on their own. They are old enough to have an opinion about leaving their home country. And they need to be able to express that.
So the choice is not just about what WE may or may not want for them!

If you are interested in meeting them with the idea of adoption, contact New Horizons, not us.

Thank you!

If you have a question or need further clarification, email (or post) and we will try to respond. Dave and the boys are on their way now and will be here soon so the window of free conversation is just about closed.

Candy Cane Greetings

"Christmas Card Pictures"
December 2009
Ivan & Thor (and Irina, too)

2 Days . . .

Almost done with the countdown to Vlad and Dima's arrival, and onto the count of time with them! Excited? Nervous? Insane? Yah, all of it. But the thing I remind myself, is that God is in control and I am the adult. God opened all the doors to make this happen, even when we weren't trying. And I am an adult. One who is not (or should not) be ruled by emotion. Scared? Sure. Two boys I have never met are moving into my home for a month and living with my children. There are so many things that could go wrong. But then, I am the one staying in my house. In my comfort zone. With resources and contacts that exist to support us and pray for us and rescue us should things get out of control. I try to imagine what it would be like to be one of the boys ... to be 14 or 8 years old, living in an orphanage without a family, and be told that I am getting on a plane, traveling halfway around the world, and living with a family for a month. They eat different foods, wear different clothes, and speak a different language. How scary is that? Puts it all into perspective for me.

Upcoming posts ... the "A" word, "Candy Cane Greetings", and "Empty Drawers".

10 days . . .

Today I made dental appointments for Vlad and Dima.
So thankful for someone willing to do the work pro bono!

Dave and his Dad fixed the "party" toilet in the basement.
A second toilet will likely come in handy with 6 people living in the house!
I wish it was a urinal to send all the boys to . . .

11 days!

Dentist, check! Found a dentist who is willing to do work for the boys pro bono. Thank you, A&B, for making that call!

When I got up this morning, Vanya and Thor were spreading out our Christmas decorations and filling the stockings. Including stockings for Vlad and Dima. I think they are more excited than anyone else! So thankful that I haven't "gotten around" to putting names on our stockings, so there are four that go together - one for each of the boys.

Sometimes procrastination is a good thing. But I am not going to count on that to always work out :)

12 days . . .

12 days!

Just 12 days until Vlad and Dima come and stay with us. Vanya is more excited than he can say, and asks about the boys all the time. He calls it a "sleepover", which is a great way for him to think of it. Well, for all of us to think about it! Now to get the bunkbed put together (thanks, Dad!) and cleaned up (all your stickers are coming off, Eric & Jon).

We are working on a "gift list" for Vlad and Dima. SOOOO different from a "santa" list! As a part of our journey to both Ivan and Thor, and further to hosting Vlad and Dima, we have redefined our "needs" and how we want to live. Even in the midst of a tight financial time, it is refreshing to be able to give out of what we have and to share as we are able. And we have seen God provide for us. Whether great grocery deals and a pantry that can handle an influx of cereal and provide food for us (no matter how random some of our meals might be) or an IKEA "as is" deal. God is looking out for us and providing what we need. Even the need to NOT eat artificial colors and flavors works to our good and is being provided for. God is good, all the time. In the midst of joy and in the midst of discouragement. All the time, God is good.

At this time, almost all of the boys fees have been paid. Praise God! We are starting to gather some of the things that they need. When they arrive, they are likely to just have the clothes on their backs. Their coats may not be warm enough for a Minnesota winter (or a Latvian winter!). We want to send them home with clothes that will keep them warm and dry. Often clothes are shared in an orphanage, so whatever we send with them will be worn for years to come. The suggested list of items to send home with them include: tennis shoes, 1 "dressy" outfit, 3 pairs of jeans, 3 long-sleeve shirts, 1-2 sweatshirts, winter coat, winter boots, hat, scarf, gloves/mittens, snowpants, socks, underwear, swimsuit, hand towel, and washcloth. These items do NOT need to be new, but we don't want to send worn-out clothes with them either. It amazes me that this may be the extent of their wardrobe. How many of us or our children have a wardrobe that we can list like this? If you have clothes that you are willing to give to these boys, please let us know. We (and they) appreciate it! We would also like to be able to let the boys choose out a few of their own clothes, and so gift cards to Target or the Children's Place would be appreciated (the outlet in Albertville so often has good deals that our money goes far there with the discounts they keep sending me).

Now off to make this week's grocery list and fold laundry . . .

Another Christmastime Adventure . . .

Last Christmas we were split between our home in Coon Rapids, and Dave's work in Eau Claire. The year before that we were bringing Vanya home from Russia. The year before that Karin and her mom were visiting Vanya. The year before that we were in Russia meeting Vanya for the first time. This Christmas we are going to welcome two Latvian boys into our home for a 4 week visit!

Having seen first-hand what it is like to live in an orphanage, and knowing that there are just so few opportunities or experiences available to the orphans there, we wanted to do what we could this year, and give two of them the experience of living with a family for a while. It may be that you have to understand very well what it means to grow up in an orphanage in order to see why this is a significant thing to do, so allow us to say briefly why we feel this is significant.

Imagine not having parks to visit, or museums to go see and learn. Imagine not having anyone to take you away on vacations. Imagine no sleep-overs at your friend's house, no riding your bikes around the neighborhood, and nothing at all that you can hold on to and say that it's yours. This is why we are welcoming two boys a chance to come and have "a big sleep-over" (as we are telling our boys).

This is our chance to show Vlad (age 14) and Dima (age 8) what it is like to live with a mom and dad who watch out for them and care for them. A chance to take them places they have never see, to teach them things they might not have even imagined, and to share with them the immeasurable love that our God and Savior has for each of us! It is a chance to begin what could be a deeply significant relationship in the development of two young boys. It is an opportunity for them to learn significantly about many things, including English.

Answers to some common questions that you might have at this point:
1) This is a "Hosting" experience for us; this is not a "pre-adoption placement" kind of deal. They may be available for adoption (they live in an orphanage, so maybe) but we don't know for sure (as of today).
2) Yes, perhaps we are gluttons for punishment! :-)
3) There is a cost to us for doing this, and we are fund-raising. We need to raise $2,800 for their travel and administrative expenses (chaperones, paperwork, insurance, etc). Please visit us at http://www.active.com/donate/2009Christmas/bergstrom
4) Your support to us in doing this is tax-deductible!! New Horizons For Children, Inc. is a 501(c)3 organization! If 28 people can donate $100, we will have all that we need!
5) Yes, we are a bit scared at what could happen, perhaps even realistically scared. We have just decided that we were not going to let our fears block us from doing what we believe is important, because "God has not given us a spirit of fear..." (2 Timothy 1:7).
6) Vlad & Dima will be arriving in mid-December, and staying until mid-January.
7) Some fear may be realistic, but there is still much excitement between us as we prepare for this adventure!
8) There are a variety of physical things that we will need to provide for them (clothes, back-packs, a visit to the dentist, etc.), and we will be posting a more detailed list at another time.

God has blessed us with so much throughout our lives, and we want this Christmas season to be a time where we can share some of that with these boys, but nothing is greater than the love that he has shown us through his Son, Jesus. If you can give, we ask you to give, and partner with us in providing for what we hope will be a truly wonderful experience that will shape the lives of two boys significantly. If you can pray, we ask you to pray with us, for us, and for Vlad and Dima too. If you can talk, we ask you to share this opportunity with others that you know who might be able to give or pray for us. Thanks for your friendship, prayers, and support. If you have any questions, please ask! We will share with you as much as we can.

Luke 18:16 (NCV) "But Jesus called for the children, saying, "Let the little children come to me. Don't stop them, because the kingdom of God belongs to people who are like these children."

Moving Along

Still paying close attention to what Vanya eats. Yes, it makes a difference! All artificial colors affect his moods, quite dramatically. Now when we give hime something, we know (roughly) what we will have to deal with for two days. Helpful. And yet still hard.

Vanya is 4 years old. And I have read several times that 4 years is a hard age to parent, and a part of it is just riding it out. But when he is emotionally delayed, thanks to over 2 years in an orphanage, it is hard to know what just needs to be "ridden out" and what needs to be attended to. So ... we are praying and plodding along. This is the last week that Dave will be in Eau Claire and I couldn't be more thankful (except that he LOVES his job there and it is hard for him to leave it). Mixed emotions for both of us.

The books I got from the library today (with both boys, and we had a good trip!): The Difficult Child, Raising Your Spirited Child, The Edison Trait, Sleepless in America, Simple Style. Research is a coping mechanism for me.

Oh yah, and we are potty training (insert cute picture of Thor on "little toilet" here - except we lost our camera).

Behaviors

We went through last night and noted all of Vanya's behaviors on the Feingold list - behaviors that can potentially be helped. 31. 31 different "symptoms" of the chemically sensitive person. So we have started keeping a food and behavior diary to see if there are any correlations that we can see. We have also eliminated "smells" in the house, colored toothpaste and soap, and several other non-food items from our house.

This is a pain. A PAIN. I spent SEVERAL hours at the grocery stores (yes, storeS) with a list and a book of "safe" foods and still didn't get everything. But it is getting easier to eat at home, knowing that we have plenty of foods that he can eat without thought. But then we leave the house ... out to eat, to the zoo, to visit family. And it is SO much harder again. Thankfully, Vanya is starting to understand that there are foods that he is "allergic" to and that make him feel bad and do naughty things. Since I am lactose intolerant, he can understand that sometimes Mama WANTS to eat ice cream but CAN'T because it will make her sick. And we are trying to help him understand the same thing with his foods.

The greater challenge now is that some of the foods we have been avoiding, namely high fructose corn syrup, is "allowed" on the Feingold diet. And it is not something that I want to add back in. Too many unknowns. Too connected to diabetes and obesity. As we also learn more about child traffiking and its connection to chocolate, that is becoming a struggle since there are a number of not-fair-trade chocolates that are REAL chocolate and thus safe for Vanya to eat.

Sadly, companies are not required to list ALL ingredients on labels. Sometimes, a chemical is sprayed on a food (such as nuts or cereal) to keep it from sticking to the packaging. Canned foods are also prone to this.

All right ... more later ... maybe a list of what we are avoiding for the next four weeks? Fascinating reading, I know. I read everynight before I fall asleep :)

Food Sensitivities

As you probably know, Vanya is a VERY active boy. Very. Active. Boy. To say it nicely. We have struggled over the past year and a half with his anger and extreme mood swings and constant motion. With all the adjustment and attachment, it is something that we have just rather lived with. Survived, really.

But a few weeks ago, after he went out for the day and had a snack, he was extreme even for Vanya. And it is hard to say that. I wonder, is it me (Karin)? Is it my lack of patience and my stress that he is feeding off of? But after I found out WHAT he ate, I started researching food additives and the effect on children. What I learned, astounded me. I read a list of behaviors and started to freak out - oh! my! WORD! Vanya has been there on the pages! So while yes, I am a frustrated and stressed mommy, our FOOD may be making a difference.

SO, we have started the Feingold program (www.feingold.org) to see what sensitivities Vanya (and all of us) may have. I believe that he is sensitive to artificial food dyes (a bottle of "Bug Juice" and M&M's will make him rather crazy). Today is the third or fourth day that we have been serious about it. Thankfully, it is not a RADICAL shift in our diet. He barely knows we are doing it. But there are definite changes. Especially for now. No tomatoes, pickles, or apples. Those will be the big changes for him, but those are foods that we may be able to add back in after we determine what things we need to avoid.

The past two nights, he has told me "Today was a good day". Nothing was special about either day. Didn't go anywhere special, didn't do anything greatly fun. I didn't really think the days were all that great myself. When I asked what was good, he told me he felt good. Huge. And his behavior has been calmer - no quick mood swings, no slamming doors, no screams of frustration.

Today for lunch, we went out to eat. Not sure what to order for him, I got Macaroni and Cheese. As soon as I saw it, I knew there was food dye in it. No cheese is that color orange! But let's try it, eh? We ate. Had a quiet afternoon with a movie (Thor fell and has gained quite a goose egg so he was mellow but we wanted him to stay awake). Went outside to play. In a matter of 2 hours, Vanya acted out to the point of being in "time-out" 3 times. Yelling, pushing, hitting, naughty words. Screams and cries when Thor splashed water on him. Drama, drama, drama. The boy we have lived with for months now.

SOOOOO . . . back to the diet tomorrow. With more close attention to what we can eat when we go out. And continued interest in how his behavior may change (or not change) as the weeks go on.

LOVING

**LOVING time at the CABIN **

** LOVING time with COUSINS **

Life is hectic. Busy. Not in the out of control way that it was a year ago. But in a different yet no less active way now. And so many questions about the future. So we try to enjoy the moments. Have a lazy day at home today, to prepare for more activity tomorrow and the rest of the week. LOVING life now ... but could really use a nap.

We're Here . . .

. . . where ever "HERE" is!

Laundry

No, not Thor's wedding thoughts, Easter, sleepovers, or even Vanya's birthday celebrations ... but the laundromat! While living in EC, we have been going to the laundromat. We have explored two different ones, and have reasons for liking both ... but this is the one I go to with the boys. It is empty. The carts have tall bars. I can back up right to the door. And there is a DQ next door. All that, and we leave with clean clothes, too!

I am so thankful that my boys are learning to be adaptable and that they can have fun where ever we are. In the everydayness of life.

Robby and Janna's Wedding (by Vanya)

Aunt Janna got married to Robby a week ago. I don't really get it, since Robby was robbyjanna from when I first got home from Russia. Mom tried to explain it - I think I understand. Thor and I are getting married. We hold hands, just like Robby and Janna do. For the wedding, we sat in church and then got to go to a party. It was lots of fun! Here are some of my favorite pictures (mom has helped me with this).

Here we are at the church - see Janna? I took lots of pictures, all around me. The floor, the ceiling, all the people I could see, and my eye. But mom says that is too many pictures. If you want to see them , I'll show you. I really like to look at pictures!

For dinner, there was choloclate milk. In a clear glass. And a straw.

I will defend and protect my family from monsters!

Dancing with Mom.

Celia dancing. I was too shy to dance with her. But she is one of my favorite cousins - she plays under tables like I do. And we are the same age.

The lights were really cool to watch! I have a vest like Thor's, but I wouldn't wear it. It covered up my tie. And I really like to wear my tie.

Mom made me wear my pajamas, and I was too embarrased to dance any more. At least I got to wear my favorite pajamas. Thor is ready for bed. That's Papa with us.

I had lots of fun. When will they have a party again? Mom said maybe we'll let Thor show you a few pictures, but I think he is too little.

Bye-bye! Baca baca!

Vanya

Just because

With Janna and Robby's wedding this past weekend, there is a lot to share. But time is short, and I love this picture. Thor and Vanya. In the car. A moment to treasure . . . and no, they weren't even yelling at each other! This was truly a sweet monent of holding hands.

The "Baby Titus Theme Song"

Here it is, the long-awaited debut of the "Baby Titus Theme Song"! Enjoy the song AND dance!

The Minnesota Zoo

On Wednesday, we went to the Minnesota Zoo. The boys have been asking for weeks to go to the zoo, and it worked out to go and to meet friends. Yay! (Vanya has also been asking to go to Kansas for 2 weeks now, but no trip is being planned yet). It is hard to wrangle two active boys and take pictures, so I thought I would share the view that I had for most of the day. . .

We were there for almost 4 hours, and the boys LOVED it. We look forward to several more trips in the future! Especially when this is the view 15 minutes after we leave . . .

Ahh, the beauty of sleeping children!

Thor discovers Hot Tamale candies ...

What . . .

. . . is in YOUR kitchen cabinets?

That is why all my appliances are on the counter - but it is worth it!

Yep - we are here!

Thanksgiving, a trip to Florida, Christmas, a trip to Kansas, New Years', birthdays ... are we caught up now? I am not going to even pretend that I will get everything posted here. Kind of like those arrival announcements (for either boy) or Christmas cards from the past few years. Know that not doing them (or the blog) ... it's not that we don't care about staying in touch, it is just that this season in life is so focused on the boys and our family life. Now I (Karin) have caved and am on facebook. So a little more will probably happen over there since I can add bits from my phone rather than needing to take the laptop to an internet access location. Drat our neighbors and their secure internet connections! There isn't one we can jump on from home. :)

Thor's second birthday was in January (wow!) and we had his pictures taken by a friend of mine here in Eau Claire. She is getting started with a photography business and I would definately hire her! That is actually the plan for April and Vanya's 4th birthday. Anyway, her address is http://www.kathrynroseimages.com/ (not much there, but more to come soon - including Thor!) and here are a few of my favorite shots ... we have all the pictures in color and black&white and the slideshow fade is fabulous. I'd be happy to show you on my computer :)