Heavy Hearts.

With heavy hearts and many tears we had to say good-bye to Vlad and Dima yesterday. Soon after their arrival, both we and our hosting agency learned of a medical condition that Dima has and were unaware of prior to his arrival. Several days together taught us that we as a family were not capable of fully caring for Dima, and after much prayer and heartache we determined that the best thing that we could do for him was to allow him to stay with another family. We felt that it was important for them to be together through the transition, and important for Vlad to assist in communication with Dima (who cannot speak any English). This has been a hard time, to learn about our own limitations and priorities and to accept that sometimes the best thing we can do is to let go and let God use us in one way to bring the boys here and to trust that another family can best care for them for their remaining visit. This experience has not dimmed our hearts for orphans but rather increased our determination to advocate for adoption. So many medical conditions that children in orphanages suffer from can be better controlled and even healed in a home with love, support, and consistent nutrition. We learned that the boys’ orphanage had no fruit for several months; a reality that we cannot begin to comprehend! The millions of orphans in this world need families who are ready to reach out and care for them as they are able, and we want to continue to be one such family.

We have been profoundly changed by this experience and will share as we continue to process. We appreciate your support; both as we have prepared for them these past weeks and as now as we let them go. Thanks to the generosity of friends and family, we were able to provide them with warm clothes and toys of their own as well as all the fruit they could eat in the days they were with us (and that was A LOT of fruit!). We received many gifts and donations for the boys, and we were able to send all of those with them to their new host family. We place our trust now in God Almighty to do his will in the lives of these boys, using their new host family as his hands and voice. “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23.

Disappointment

How do you deal with disappointment? As a kid, it is often with pouting and anger. Not knowing how to deal with not getting what you want is hard. And as an adult, it is hard to understand what it means to feel that way about a toy. Yet that is what we have dealt with today. A little boy who found some really cool cars that he wanted, and did NOT like to be told that he couldn't get them right now. And does not know how to accept that disappointment without lashing out for an extended period of time.

Tonight Thor wanted to be held until he fell asleep. I think this is the first time EVER that he has wanted that. Even as a baby, he wouldn't fall asleep until he was in his bed. And as a toddler, he has told me to "go away so I can sleep". It was uncomfortable holding him while sitting on his bedroom floor, his boots digging into my legs. My precious, opinionated boy. Truly my only "baby".

It was a wonderful thing to hold Thor tonight. To think about disappointment. To think about a little boy who has dealt with disappointment on a level that I can never comprehend. To suffer the loss of his parents and to live in an orphanage. To travel halfway across the world with a backpack the size of what we send a preschooler to school with. How can I ever help HIM deal with disappointment?

That is what prayer is for. And we are so thankful to our God for hearing our prayers and healing our hurts. No matter how big or how little.

They are here!

Briefly, the boys have arrived safely and it is, well, a busy and full house. All good! We will get into the swing ... praying for a good nights sleep for EVERYONE! Vlad understands some of what we say and translates what he can to Dima.

Clothes: They each arrived with a small backpack of clothes. We are hoping to take advantage if a good discount at Kohls to pick up a few things this Wednesday or Friday. Vlad is too tall for size 12, but he is very slim. Dima is DROWNING in size boys small pajama pants! But the small shirt is a decent size. Thank you for the wonderful things we have received so far! I will keep the sidebar up to date with what they are still needing.

Off to clear the table and then find my "parenting Russian" audio files! I am finding that the Russian is in my head and isn't connecting with my mouth :)

The "A" Word ...

ADOPTION

Now, if you know us, you know that both our boys are adopted. Ivan from Russia in a process that took 3 years, and Thor as a "surprise" in a private domestic adoption. We are so very thankful for both of them and God has known all along WHO the best kids are for our family. Our role has been to be open to what God wants us to do. Whether it was saying "yes" to the 8-month old we met in Russia to saying "yes" to the 3 month old we met near home. Even in where we go and what we do, whether it be serving somewhere or in answering the phone when it rings, God very often has called me to be open to the possibility and that has been enough. Being open to serving at church, but then not being called to the position. Being open to a job, and then not getting it. Being open to move, and then staying put.

Being open to hosting two orphans from Latvia ...
Being open to adopting two orphans from Latvia ...

... and not knowing what God will ask us to do in the future.

To answer the question that has been asked:
We don't know if we will adopt the Vlad and Dima or not.

New Horizons is a HOSTING agency and NOT an ADOPTION agency.
The hope and prayer is that if these boys want to find their forever family here in the U.S., that they will.
Maybe it is us ...
and MAYBE IT IS YOU!
You are at least curious enough to read this, right?

So with that said (and I have said most every time that I have had this conversation),
we will not be discussing adoption for the next month. We will not use the word. And we would appreciate your not bringing up the word or the idea with us. Vlad and Dima are old enough to understand what adoption means, coming from an orphanage where other children who have been "hosted" have been adopted as well. But at 16 years old, they will age out of the orphanage and be on their own. They are old enough to have an opinion about leaving their home country. And they need to be able to express that.
So the choice is not just about what WE may or may not want for them!

If you are interested in meeting them with the idea of adoption, contact New Horizons, not us.

Thank you!

If you have a question or need further clarification, email (or post) and we will try to respond. Dave and the boys are on their way now and will be here soon so the window of free conversation is just about closed.

Candy Cane Greetings

"Christmas Card Pictures"
December 2009
Ivan & Thor (and Irina, too)

2 Days . . .

Almost done with the countdown to Vlad and Dima's arrival, and onto the count of time with them! Excited? Nervous? Insane? Yah, all of it. But the thing I remind myself, is that God is in control and I am the adult. God opened all the doors to make this happen, even when we weren't trying. And I am an adult. One who is not (or should not) be ruled by emotion. Scared? Sure. Two boys I have never met are moving into my home for a month and living with my children. There are so many things that could go wrong. But then, I am the one staying in my house. In my comfort zone. With resources and contacts that exist to support us and pray for us and rescue us should things get out of control. I try to imagine what it would be like to be one of the boys ... to be 14 or 8 years old, living in an orphanage without a family, and be told that I am getting on a plane, traveling halfway around the world, and living with a family for a month. They eat different foods, wear different clothes, and speak a different language. How scary is that? Puts it all into perspective for me.

Upcoming posts ... the "A" word, "Candy Cane Greetings", and "Empty Drawers".

10 days . . .

Today I made dental appointments for Vlad and Dima.
So thankful for someone willing to do the work pro bono!

Dave and his Dad fixed the "party" toilet in the basement.
A second toilet will likely come in handy with 6 people living in the house!
I wish it was a urinal to send all the boys to . . .

11 days!

Dentist, check! Found a dentist who is willing to do work for the boys pro bono. Thank you, A&B, for making that call!

When I got up this morning, Vanya and Thor were spreading out our Christmas decorations and filling the stockings. Including stockings for Vlad and Dima. I think they are more excited than anyone else! So thankful that I haven't "gotten around" to putting names on our stockings, so there are four that go together - one for each of the boys.

Sometimes procrastination is a good thing. But I am not going to count on that to always work out :)

12 days . . .

12 days!

Just 12 days until Vlad and Dima come and stay with us. Vanya is more excited than he can say, and asks about the boys all the time. He calls it a "sleepover", which is a great way for him to think of it. Well, for all of us to think about it! Now to get the bunkbed put together (thanks, Dad!) and cleaned up (all your stickers are coming off, Eric & Jon).

We are working on a "gift list" for Vlad and Dima. SOOOO different from a "santa" list! As a part of our journey to both Ivan and Thor, and further to hosting Vlad and Dima, we have redefined our "needs" and how we want to live. Even in the midst of a tight financial time, it is refreshing to be able to give out of what we have and to share as we are able. And we have seen God provide for us. Whether great grocery deals and a pantry that can handle an influx of cereal and provide food for us (no matter how random some of our meals might be) or an IKEA "as is" deal. God is looking out for us and providing what we need. Even the need to NOT eat artificial colors and flavors works to our good and is being provided for. God is good, all the time. In the midst of joy and in the midst of discouragement. All the time, God is good.

At this time, almost all of the boys fees have been paid. Praise God! We are starting to gather some of the things that they need. When they arrive, they are likely to just have the clothes on their backs. Their coats may not be warm enough for a Minnesota winter (or a Latvian winter!). We want to send them home with clothes that will keep them warm and dry. Often clothes are shared in an orphanage, so whatever we send with them will be worn for years to come. The suggested list of items to send home with them include: tennis shoes, 1 "dressy" outfit, 3 pairs of jeans, 3 long-sleeve shirts, 1-2 sweatshirts, winter coat, winter boots, hat, scarf, gloves/mittens, snowpants, socks, underwear, swimsuit, hand towel, and washcloth. These items do NOT need to be new, but we don't want to send worn-out clothes with them either. It amazes me that this may be the extent of their wardrobe. How many of us or our children have a wardrobe that we can list like this? If you have clothes that you are willing to give to these boys, please let us know. We (and they) appreciate it! We would also like to be able to let the boys choose out a few of their own clothes, and so gift cards to Target or the Children's Place would be appreciated (the outlet in Albertville so often has good deals that our money goes far there with the discounts they keep sending me).

Now off to make this week's grocery list and fold laundry . . .